It was shaping up to be another memorable Mother's Day. The day started off with me opening a brand new pair of TOMS, my traditional gift from Mr. Lindquist.
Next up, we picked up our kids from my sister's house and were on our way to brunch at the zoo. I didn't know it yet, but the decorations would be chic, the food fabulous and the location perfect for a stroll after breakfast.
Don't mind Faith's open mouth of food. She's in that "trying to ruin all photos" phase.
I began to open my cards on the drive there. A sweet one from my husband.
A funny one from the girls that sings I love you.
And then the one that got me: a "fill-in-the-blank" card from four-year-old Faith. Now, perhaps you saw these posted on Facebook in recent days. They give silly answers like, "my mom weighs 33 pounds," "my mom likes to say: 'Come on, Henry'" and "my mom likes Cofe," adorably spelled wrong. See for yourself. Hopefully, they won't mind me sharing!
I opened mine and began to read.
Aww, my preschooler thinks my middle name is James (her dad's middle name).
Wow, she got my age right (32).
Then I got to the "My mom likes to" part. And to my horror, I read:
Whoa. Back The Truck Up! I like to WHAT?!?
At first I laughed. Then I frowned. Next I wanted to cry. And finally, I was MAD!
Where in the WILD WORLD did she come up with that? Sure, I like to watch TV occasionally, who doesn't? A little "Dancing with the Stars" here. A little "America's Funniest Home Videos" there. But I'm a freak about watching adult programs while the kids are awake. I'm also the first one to say we need to turn off the news while we eat. I only let the kids watch one cartoon a day. The only time I watch TV for myself is long after they're asleep.
And, I like beer as much as the next guy, but the only time I drink one is when we have tacos or Chinese take-out on Friday nights. And I usually ask Rob to split it with me because I know I won't finish the whole thing.
But I NEVER, EVER do these two things TOGETHER. Like, never. And I know that. Rob knows that. Faith, somewhere in the recesses of her brain, knows that. But her teachers don't KNOW that. They only know what a four-year-old fibber tells them. And, here's the worst part, THAT'S NOT ALL.
I kept on reading. Two fill in the blanks later, "I like it when my mom "lets me GO DOWNSTAIRS BY MYSELF." Innocuous enough on its own, but when coupled with "My mom likes to watch TV and have beer"? Not. So. Much.
Hopefully you're laughing by now, and not considering reporting me to the authorities, but if you are, please read on.
I've let my darling daughter go downstairs to play by herself twice in her life. Mainly so I could get some cleaning done upstairs. And this is how she thanks me?!
After I got over the shock of the whole thing, I needed answers. From a four-year-old. Long story short, she couldn't remember why she said that. I asked her what else mommy likes. "To play with me," she responded.
Ya couldn't have gone with that answer!? And while we're at it. There's an entire blank line left for the "my mom is good at." I feel as though this answer could have been expanded upon, but I digress.
Here's why her answers stung. I do everything for my girls. Play hours of hide-and-go-seek in which they hide in the same spot 14 times in a row. Read Pinkalicious after Purplelicious after Emeralalicious (really?) books. Act as the baby, jailer, random audience member for any number of Faith's make-believe games. Barbies. Trips to the Children's Theatre. Ultra specific hair styles (low half pony with a blue hairband). You get the point.
Honestly, I would have preferred, "My mommy likes to: "stuff her face full of Cheez-Its," "engage in dance moves she's too old for," ""raise her voice when the Cyclones lose."
To clear up any confusion, Faith and I went over a like of things mommy likes that very night, in addition to anything and everything I do with and for my girls.
-Going on walks with Howie
-Talking on the phone with her friends/sisters
-Listening to dad's RunIowa podcast
-Pedicures with her mom
-Shopping for bargains at garage sales
-And continuing to believe in the Cyclones no matter how times they lose
And last but not least, mommy likes Mother's Day cards that don't say she likes to watch TV and have beer!